My testimony (well sort of)

Many of you who has known me and have read my posts here with this name and my previous names (BloodDivine, Fragile76) know that I have been always man with critical mind.

I have said it one point that I´m the rebellious son God just had when He created my soul. Despite that there´s been a tide between me and my Father always. Has He been happy and proud about me, I surely hope so.

I have loved Him all days of my life.

The problem with me is that I don´t accept easy answers. I have always been the one who doubts. I have had countless battles in my spiritual life and while I´m writing this I know that it will be so ´till the end.

My only hope is the unlimited grace and forgiveness my Father has shown me.

It is not easy to live with a head like this. Being critical has helped me in my work. When I was a youth councillor and served my church it helped me to see wrong from right, to hear lies and see the real motives people had.

And as a journalist it is the only way to approach my work. "Trust nothing until you see the proof".

But then there are the days and many times nights when I fight the fight to keep my self on the Road.

That is my burden.

Today I was taking my daughter into her dance-course. She is just 4 and she saw the old wooden church of our hometown on the way to the dance and said "dad, I want to go there".

I promised her that after the dance-course we go and check out if the doors of the church are open.

And they were open. The lights were on though there was no one inside. We sat down and just sat there quiet for a while. My daughter watched all the old paintings that were on walls and the altar. 

And then she started asking about the paintings, stories of the Bible. And I answered to her questions and I realized that it was the first time we talked that much about it.

She is usually very energetic and full of life but the whole time we spent at the church she was calm and relaxed. She rested.

And so did I.

I don´t even remember the last time that I have been that relaxed and peaceful. I don´t even remember how long time we spent there but I realized that God called us today into His presence to that church.

He called me to rest and put His strongest angel to take me there -my little child.

I´m still amazed how little happened today but how powerfull that was. I felt joy I haven´t felt in a long time.

We left church after some time. My girl is sleeping, I´m awake. I am blessed, that is something I have to remember more often.

Just wanted to share this.

Don't kick yourself for thinking critically. God gave you a mind. Use it.
Here's something to think about when you find you may doubt God's veracity for lack of empirical evidence.

In John 6, the people witnessed Christ himself performing miracles yet they didn't believe in Him.

Remember that atheism strength is relatively new. It's only been philosophically sustainable since Darwin came on the scene, the last 2 centuries.

Up until then, most people believed in God's existence or in the some sort of deity. Belief in God's existence isn't the true battle. The true battle is to see God as one's portion.

In John 6, Jesus said that He is the bread that we need. He is our portion. The things of this world pass away. What is real and what sustains our lives is Him.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. I pray God will help you in your times of doubt and reveal Himself to you in a mighty way !

Matthew 6:33
³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.


...even with our doubts and things we don't understand.

Thanks for sharing that. It never ceases to amaze me how God's Spirit can do things we don't expect.