Testimony

I always love reading how God is working in people's lives, and how He does amazing things in extraordinary circumstances. I had to write out my testimony to give to our youth department last year and it made me realize how cool His plan really is. It would be cool to hear your testimony, too! You never know who you may reach, or who may be struggling with the same thing(s) you've struggled with...God is amazing, always. Hang on, its a bumpy ride.

I didn’t come to know the Lord until I was 27 years old. I wish I could say I was 9, or something, but oh well, I was a late bloomer. I was a typical person living in the world. I was living to please me, myself, and I. “I’ve got this life thing figured out!” I felt the tug that I was missing something, but never followed through with trying to find out what it was. I was asked to church many times, and even went a few times, but in the end, I always let the devil win. I was letting him win in pretty much every aspect of my life.

I do a lot of self analyzing, how can I improve myself, that sort of thing. This is what I was doing when I realized that I didn’t like the way my life had progressed up to this point or where it was heading, and didn’t want my daughter to grow up like I did. So I figured “What the heck? I’ll do this saved thing”. I know now that it was the Holy Spirit dragging my butt up to the alter call to meet my Heavenly Father and Jesus was there saying “Finally!”

As my relationship with Christ grew, so did the attacks from the great deceiver. Little jabs at first, but they grew in intensity as my relationship grew. That’s how satan works; he chews at weak points of your soul until failure occurs. If you know anything about physics, think of a dam. If there is the smallest of weak points, the pressure pressing against the opposite side will be greatest at that point until ultimate failure. The devil may be the father of lies, but he’s good at physics, too. That being said, I moved up fairly quickly in the church, I was a trustee within a year of becoming a member. But, if you’ve ever heard the Metallica song, “Leper Messiah” “…Give me money, give me green, heaven you will meet…Make a contribution and you’ll get a better seat…” This seemed to be how the pastor of that church was running it. I still pray for that pastor…It was the first of many blows to my spiritual dam.

My weakest point has always been my family and my finances. That’s where he started hitting me next, and where he continues to hit me. During three of Dianna’s pregnancies, she was put on bed rest due to complications. God got us through all of them financially, but the stress of those times broadened the weak spots in my soul.

During the pregnancy with our son, she was on bed rest 6 of the 9 months. Her amniotic fluid (the fluid that surrounds your baby as they’re being formed in the womb) was extremely low, so they did ultrasounds every month. This is where the doctors found out that my boy would be born with a cleft lip and palette, similar to what I have. He also had a condition where the membrane that transfers information from the left side of the brain to the right wasn’t developed. We were encouraged to terminate the pregnancy due to these problems, but we never budged. God was giving us this boy, and that’s all we needed to know. My son’s birth was very scary. Just because of his birth defect, I knew how tough his life was going to be, because I’d already lived it. A few months after he was born, we realized the extent of his neurological problems and how much that affected his motor skills. He would never be able to walk or talk. He had a feeding tube in his belly. There were so many medications, physical therapy 3 times a week, surgeries, so much to take care of. So there was the big attack on my family….so I thought.

November 27^th, 2003 ( seven years ago yesterday) we were at Dianna’s cousins’ house having Thanksgiving dinner. Dianna had to leave for work, and I stuck around to play some Xbox, and hang out for a little while longer. The boy was cranky, so I laid him down in one of the back rooms. I went back to playing Xbox. When it was time to go, I went back to grab him and noticed something horribly wrong. I ran down the hall way yelling call 911, call 911! I laid him down and started CPR. The paramedics showed up and continued CPR as I kneeled in the dining room pleading with God, although I knew it was too late. The ambulance took us to children’s hospital and into the ER area. They worked with him for what seemed like hours. I don’t even remember them coming out telling me that realization. What I do remember is holding my boy, and I remember that look in my wife’s eyes.

In memory, the next few weeks seemed surreal. I’ve heard that word “surreal” before, and even used it to describe a situation, but until that moment I didn’t understand the definition. Nothing mattered; we were going through the motions of Christmas and New Years basically for the girls. We had the tree up, half heartedly decorated the house. We weren’t there emotionally, shells of the family we were just a few weeks ago. I’d never felt that way before, and haven’t since. Completely numb, no more tears to cry, almost as if my soul was gone.

As the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months I grew farther and farther from God. The weird thing is I didn’t even realize it. It wasn’t a conscientious decision. I wasn’t angry with God, I was just absent. Now that I look back, I was so deep in the rabbit hole, that reality felt like a figment of my imagination. I was still going to Church whenever the doors were opened. I was still active. I was still fighting, although I was losing. I lost my son, huge upper cut. Start fighting back, lose my Dad. Again, start fighting back; lose my job…..the dam breaks…

That fight lasted about five and a half years. After that last hit, I drifted completely away from everything, including my family, church, and God. I put my faith in alcohol, Xbox live, and anything else that I thought would comfort me. Why not? I lost my son, my father, my job… As I’ve often said, I was trying to fill my God shaped hole with a square peg.

Fortunately for me, Jesus wasn’t done with me yet. He took me by the arm, not the hand. He grabbed me by the arm and said “You’re not done yet. I have work for you to do. I need you to comfort your wife. I need you to raise these three beautiful daughters that I’ve entrusted you with. GET UP! I have your son. He’s fine; it’s you that needs help. “

So, I stood up, dusted myself off and signed up to go on a mission trip to Oceana, WV with my daughter. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Luke 9:23 says “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. “ I’m not sure of the theological explanation of this verse, but to me it means that I have to get over my pity party lift up my baggage and follow Him. Give your cross to Jesus; He’s already defeated anything and everything you’ve carried.


It was a slow process for me, and I’m living proof that Jesus doesn’t give up. You just have to surrender to Him. Especially when times are bad…It’s hard, and you may want to give up…but trust me, that’s not the thing to do. Jesus wants you to know that He is there, and He knows what you’re going through. He loves you…

Thanks for sharing. Amen.

Wow praise God, and I really respect you man