Under Attack

I used to be a member here a while back but haven't been around for some time. Lately I have had this feeling of dread that was unexplainable and I think I need to be back in the company of Christians because I feel like I am under a spiritual attack. As for the feeling of dread I have been dealing with, I think a lot of things have been going on that have brought some things from the past rushing back. Last year, my oldest son was accussed of making racist comments in school. He admitted that he did make some remarks that were distasteful but he didn't mean anything by it. We talked about how some things that may be a joke may be very harmful to someone else. My sister married a great guy from Jamaica and has two mixed children. We love them dearly. Anyway, he made apologies to all involved and is careful with what he says now. He has really grown from the experience. The problem is the whole thing turned into a witch hunt and a teacher and administrator were fired because of it. This year, my youngest son has been getting in some trouble at school. Much of it stems from him being picked on fornhis weight and being awkward socially. Kind of a nerd. Anyway, they go to anChristian school where you wouldn't expect such things to happen but it feels like it is worse than in public schools.

About four years ago, my family and I were asked to leave the church I grew up in. The new pastor was preaching some things that just aren't biblical. For example, he said that if someone was sick it was because they were involved in some sort of sin and the worse the illness the worse the sin. So if someone had cancer they were worse than someone with a cold. I told him he was wrong and a short time later we received a letter saying we weren't supporting our church in attendance, giving and"refraining from all appearance of evil". Since then we have found a great church and really enjoy being a part of things there. Many times, people in my own family have brought up the issue and it is always turned on me with them saying I shouldn't hold grudges. To be honest, I DO NOT hold any grudges although I am not happy about the whole thing.

About ten years ago I was involved in something really bad that I don't want to get into here. I have put an end to that involvement and have asked forgiveness from those involved and from God. I feel that I have been forgiven but I just cant find anyway to forgive myself. I think about the situation every day and I don't feel like I deserve to be forgiven
I feel like all of the things I have mentioned(except for the last part) are things that we shouldn't expect from people who are suppossed to be our brothers and sisters. I expect to be hassles a bit from secular people. The Bible says we will be it's like we are being attacked from within and when those things happen, all of the things from my past come rushing back to me. I feel betrayed and attacked and it hurts spiritually. So if you all could remember me in your prayers I would really appreciate it. Sorry for the long post. I just need to vent a bit.

I'll definitely pray.

Praying, old friend whoever you are. Welcome back.

Thanks for the prayers guys. I think that trying to find God's purpose for my life and knowing others are praying for me helps. I have been praying for guidance for some time now and the more I pray and seek God's plan, the more I feel this feeling of dread and depression. I get the feeling that maybe I am on the right track and Satan doesn't like it so he keeps trying to throw things in my path. I keep praying but so far I have no real answers. I have even come to a point in praying for God to show me where I should be and what to do with my life that I feel selfish for praying for myself when there are so many out there that really need prayer.

obrnpwrlftr wrote:I get the feeling that maybe I am on the right track and Satan doesn't like it so he keeps trying to throw things in my path.

I agree with you here.  Will pray for you.

Keep praying friend sometimes the answers come when we least expect it. Answers come on God's time not human time. I know sometimes we need an answer now but God makes us wait. Hang in there and welcome back to the CMR.

I think my impatience is made worse by thinking that every day I haven't been enlightened as to what God is expecting me to do is another day I have wasted that I could be doing what I was put on this earth to do. I have always beenof the opinion that every person has a purpose. I think that if I don't fulfilled MY purpose it is a wasted existence. Maybe I am pushing too hard. I guess I just want to be useful and not having a clear purpose in life makes me feel like I am doing nothing. In fact I sometimes feel that I may be be getting on God's nerves so to speak by asking the same thing all the time.