I'm Lost...

Thanks a lot, man.  That did help a lot.  I think I will begin to concentrate more on the Bible starting tonight.

A few updates since last post:
1. I saw the counselor again.  Everything went well, very good.  We talked for a bit, I explained how I am less anxious, nervous, etc.  The session went well then the ending came and she asked me towards what ends I wanted the sessions to go.  I wasn't sure.  She elaborated saying that I have obviously made a group of friends, found a place I belong, and that I am overcoming a lot of the problems I had.  The point being, I might not need her so much anymore.  So, I am seeing her in two weeks instead of one.  I wanted to see her again in one, but we couldn't schedule it.  Anyways, I am doing a lot better.  Praise the Lord!

2. Last night, I was at a church group and at one point we were told to think how we could change to please God.  For a couple of minutes straight, the word "math" was popping in my head.  Actually, scratch that, it was screaming in my head.  I hadn't enjoyed political science and had been considering changing to math or computer science.  I was leaning towards math, but was worried because I didn't do too well.  Then I remembered a verse in the Bible, John 15:5 "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."  Then I started thinking about my life and was starting to come to the conclusion, God probably put that desire to do math in my heart and was waiting on me to get closer to help me do better.  When I was growing up, my favorite toy was a calculator, I had an innate sense for math in that I could do a lot in my head, especially algebra related, without knowing how to even write out the work, I had taught myself HTML(OK, that's not programming, but...), and the like. I talked to my mentor today who is great, we talked about that some and he told me a few more things, saying God puts these desires in our hearts and wants us to succeed in them.  So, as I went silent again, "math" popped up again.  It seems God is telling me to put him first and go after this.  I am pretty happy.  So, I guess this is where God is pushing me.  I am looking forward to this journey as next semester, which starts in a couple of weeks, I will have Calc III, applied linear algebra and java.  Praise the Lord!  One of my problems, though, is actually concentrating and doing it, but if I know what I am doing towards ends that glorify God, I will be able to buckle down and do it better.

Well, one last update.  I started seeing a new counselor and she's Christian, so I can be more open with her!  Which, after two meetings, helped her conclude...I'm schizophrenic.  I have a mild case of it, as opposed to the severe cases where people go on rampages and whatnot.  I have to see a doctor tomorrow about some medication.  So, that's about it.

Hey dude, I'm glad you've found some answers.  I hope now that you know what may be the cause of your ailments, you'll be better equipped to take it head-on.  Thanks for keeping us posted!  How's school going?  Have you continued to feel led in a math-related direction?

Thanks, yeah, that's the plan.  I feel God wants me here to help deal with this stuff.
School is going great so far.  I am better understanding the mathematical concepts I am learning than previously and I am actually enjoying studying.  It's been great so far.  I am really looking forward to it.

Awesome to hear! 

I see a psychiatrist two weeks from Tuesday.  Ah, that's the soonest they had available.  Bah!

Also, as for math, I gotta say, I am thoroughly enjoying linear algebra.  I don't remember enjoying math so much.  Admittedly, it's really easy so far, but man, still great fun.