The Things You Findout At 55 Years Of Age That It Would Have Been Nice To Know All Your Life.

So, I recently took a DNA test through Ancestry mostly because one of our daughters took one and my dad's side of the family didn't show up in her info at all. So I ended up taking a test to see if that might give us more information. My results came back a little over a week ago and low and behold as my wife is the one doing all the research it turns out one of my aunts on my dad's side of the family and her son have taken the Ancestry DNA test also and we are in no way related. So, while this explains a lot of things that may be seen as me being different than others in my family that I know. Also to an extent explains my daughters being different in a lot of ways than others in the family, and the more I think about it the more glad I am that I did the test. This whole thing is kind of making me feel in a way fatherless and also like my daughters no longer have a grandfather in some ways.

Now all this being said, I will like I always have see my dad as my dad and all that. But it's all just a shock to the system so to speak after 55 years of seeing things the way I have and the way I thought things were.

Now, I have to ask that no one who replies to this thread please do not get preachy and religious. as I am not of that type of person and I especially when it comes to this right now am not in the mood, I am in a lot of ways just trying to process all this as we are looking into all of it. 

Without giving too much information I just had to get this out some. I hope that's all ok with all who are here.

WOW.  Quite a shock.  Can't imagine what that must feel like.

You're probably not there yet...but what goes through my mind is, is he going to bring this up with the dad who raised him to get more info?

Constantine wrote:WOW.  Quite a shock.  Can't imagine what that must feel like.

You're probably not there yet...but what goes through my mind is, is he going to bring this up with the dad who raised him to get more info?

My dad died in January 2015, And my mom died in April 2007. So I can't get any information that way.

Oh gosh, what a shock indeed.  I really hope you can get some answers as to what might have happened.  I can bet you feel a bit lost.

Wow, that's heavy indeed, especially considering you can't talk to your parents about it anymore.
I'd say that it's OK to feel like you're falling, as long as you make sure to land on your feet in the end.

My wife is going through a very similar situation (albeit not as bad as yours).  Her Ancestry DNA showed her related to no one on her dad's side but a lot of closely related strangers.  The probable birth father wants nothing to do with her and won't admit to anything.  The rest of the probable new family has been welcoming.  We just met some this past weekend.

All that to say, I get what you're going through better than most.  There are no easy answers and I won't pretend there are.  Like others said this is "a shock" and "heavy" and I sure understand the need to "get it out" and vent.  Sometimes that alone can help.

GACatmandu wrote:

Constantine wrote:WOW.  Quite a shock.  Can't imagine what that must feel like.

You're probably not there yet...but what goes through my mind is, is he going to bring this up with the dad who raised him to get more info?

My dad died in January 2015, And my mom died in April 2007. So I can't get any information that way.

If someone in your birth father's side takes the test, or him, it would start lining those things up. My mom did 23and me and has found a bunch of relatives that way.

I've read the original post and other posts several times. I guess I'm missing what the issue or the shock is?

Adoption is still family - if that's what this is about?

ThomasEversole wrote:I've read the original post and other posts several times.  I guess I'm missing what the issue or the shock is?

Adoption is still family - if that's what this is about?

I believe that they found out the person they thought was their father, was not. With both the mother and the father passed away, it proves difficult to find out who their original father is.

I don't really see anything in your post that would warrant a sermon at all of any nature.  I see that you discovered something about yourself that is a jolt to you and that would be hard.

I had that same kind of jolt when I was a teen and found out that my 1st cousin was really my sister.  My mom had her out of wedlock years before my mom and dad married.  My uncle adopted her and raised her as his own.  She figured it out herself but we were kept in the dark.  It felt like a betrayal at first, but later you realize that Mama was doing what she thought was right to make up for doing something wrong.  I wasn't born yet, so it didn't really affect me until I did learn the truth.  Then, you go through the weird process of knowing the truth but living with everyone in their current roles, then discussing it, then moving on with the new info/roles in place.  I thought it was great to gain a new "sister" later as an adult when we really got to talk about how her adoption affected her and us.

I also had a DNA test situation.  I found out I that I had a doppleganger.  A couple who is distantly related to my wife saw me and thought I was the husband's brother.  He had taken a DNA test and found that his dad had more kids they never had met.  They showed me his picture and the resemblance was more than a little uncanny.  We liked the same things.  We dress the same way.  We even met and were wearing the same brand of sandals, glasses, and similar t-shirts.  My dad and my twin's mom would have been in the same town during the time he was born, so it was more than probable.  So, I took the DNA test.

I was ready to accept a new sibling seeing what we knew about my mom and my cousin/sister.  What a letdown!  I have this really cool doppleganger who was more like me than my own siblings, and we are SO NOT even related!  Even going back generations, we had no similar relatives.  Now that was a huge letdown as I wanted my twin to really be my brother.

DNA tests are cool, but they can bring a lot of pain as well.

I pray that you are able to find peace with your results and will be able to continue to love the family you have just like Jesus would have.

I feel like I may have a very unconventional take about all of this compared to others who posted here.  I can sympathize with emotional bumps in the road over genealogy secrets, but I can more wrap my head around the problems with the secret itself kept - not problems from what the secret revealed.  (I'm having a hard time empathizing with this, is what I'm saying LOL)

If I found out I was adopted by my parents, I can't imagine having this "who's my REAL mom/dad?" burning question in life - like some adopted friends of mine have had...  because IMO, my real parents are the people who were there for me my entire life.  Not the two people I've never known, who just happened to put the people-soup together to start growing me before I could remember it.

This may also be due to me having a creationist take on things - we're all genetically related coming from Adam and Eve (homo sapien, the human race).  There's another layer of family with the body of Christ, brothers and sisters in the faith and all God's children.  I just can't wrap my head around some numbers crunched from a loogy-in-a-cup, matching someone else's number's from their loogy-in-a-cup, meaning something so profound, that it changes my entire outlook on "family".

Especially with studies coming out that "chimerism" isn't as rare as people thought it was.  Well, certain types are rare, but "artificial chimerism" is a thing, and people don't know they have it until they're subjected to the thorough testing for it.  (chimerism is when different organs have different DNA - like if someone had one set in their salivary glands, and another set in their bladder, literally different DNA results from spitting in a cup vs peeing in a cup)

I hope I don't sound like a skeptic or a "doubting Thomas" (*rimshot*) but I just don't see the importance of the end results for me.  Numbers shmumbers.  Family secrets though, I could see as painful - much in the same way "omitting honesty" is painful.

ThomasEversole wrote:I feel like I may have a very unconventional take about all of this compared to others who posted here.  I can sympathize with emotional bumps in the road over genealogy secrets, but I can more wrap my head around the problems with the secret itself kept - not problems from what the secret revealed.  (I'm having a hard time empathizing with this, is what I'm saying LOL)

If I found out I was adopted by my parents, I can't imagine having this "who's my REAL mom/dad?" burning question in life - like some adopted friends of mine have had...  because IMO, my real parents are the people who were there for me my entire life.  Not the two people I've never known, who just happened to put the people-soup together to start growing me before I could remember it.

This may also be due to me having a creationist take on things - we're all genetically related coming from Adam and Eve (homo sapien, the human race).  There's another layer of family with the body of Christ, brothers and sisters in the faith and all God's children.  I just can't wrap my head around some numbers crunched from a loogy-in-a-cup, matching someone else's number's from their loogy-in-a-cup, meaning something so profound, that it changes my entire outlook on "family".

Especially with studies coming out that "chimerism" isn't as rare as people thought it was.  Well, certain types are rare, but "artificial chimerism" is a thing, and people don't know they have it until they're subjected to the thorough testing for it.  (chimerism is when different organs have different DNA - like if someone had one set in their salivary glands, and another set in their bladder, literally different DNA results from spitting in a cup vs peeing in a cup)

I hope I don't sound like a skeptic or a "doubting Thomas" (*rimshot*) but I just don't see the importance of the end results for me.  Numbers shmumbers.  Family secrets though, I could see as painful - much in the same way "omitting honesty" is painful.

Unless I am misunderstanding your take and the OP, he was not adopted per se, just that he was raised to believe that was his father. I think things were never really great in the relationship department, which was made clear when he found out the DNA results. I guess it is like having a crappy father, finding out it was never your father, and that there is a big chance you will never find out.