My Journey out of Porn

A few have asked me about this, so rather than answer them all privately, thought I'd make the glory of God public in hopes He may use my story to help others. I'm tired though, working a lot of hours, and I don't want to ramble on w/my life story. So I'm going to try and think of a way to keep it reasonable in length while retaining what is pertinent...

Cool, looking forward to hearing your story!

Candlemass wrote:A few have asked me about this, so rather than answer them all privately, thought I'd make the glory of God public in hopes He may use my story to help others. I'm tired though, working a lot of hours, and I don't want to ramble on w/my life story. So I'm going to try and think of a way to keep it reasonable in length while retaining what is pertinent...

I want you to know that I really appreciate your testimony here. Even without knowing the details, I'm sure that you are an encouragement many you wouldn't imagine. God bless.

I will get to it, but I really am working nearly all day every day, it's like that in the spring for me, plus it's good to be doing something worthwhile w/my hands...

d@v!d wrote:

Candlemass wrote:A few have asked me about this, so rather than answer them all privately, thought I'd make the glory of God public in hopes He may use my story to help others. I'm tired though, working a lot of hours, and I don't want to ramble on w/my life story. So I'm going to try and think of a way to keep it reasonable in length while retaining what is pertinent...

I want you to know that I really appreciate your testimony here. Even without knowing the details, I'm sure that you are an encouragement many you wouldn't imagine. God bless.

+ 1 trillion to infinity

I was enslaved to porn for well over 30 years, w/only a few weeks here, or a month there of abstinence, not freedom mind you, just not doing it, but still obsessing about it. In my late teens I was hooked on LSD/acid, dropped it like candy. It was the only time I felt truly happy, a real way to leave this world and it's troubles, some of you know what I speak of. My last trip though was so hellish that dropping acid again was not an option, the experience so terrifying that I would never do it again. Tempted over the years, but much like the buzzing of flies easily brushed aside...not so w/porn. Over the years as a Christian I tried just about everything you can think of to get free, live in programs, seminars, 12-step, therapy, medication...nothing worked. Around February of 2013 I began feeling uneasy about my lifestyle again, over the years of fighting porn and failing, I'd give up and give myself over to it, "if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em!" That was my mentality, I'd I'd drift back and forth over the years in regards to the faith. Well around that time I read one of Glenn Kaiser's blogs titled "Heaven?" in he talked about those who believe they are going to Heaven, but are not practicing their faith. That bothered me, plus several other things at the time. I began to seek freedom again, and abstained for a few weeks, then one night while feeling restless, i turned to me "old friend", indulged in online porn all night. About a week later in mid March of 13, late at night, I was reading in the Gospel of John; "There is no condemnation waiting for those who believe, but those who do not believe are already condemned...and this is the condemnation, that a Light has come into the world, but men won't come, for they love the darkness." That's when it hit me, I could not get free from porn because I loved porn, it had been my "best friend" for all of my adult life and I could not let go. Then the condemnation hit me w/full force, much like having a spiritual stroke, I was going to Hell forever! I could hardly function for over a month, this was when I went off line for that time, some of you may remember. I could not sleep nor eat for that time, I even drank a large shot of Z-Quill one night, and just sat up buzzing all night! I lost something like 50lbs in a month, I was seriously considering checking myself into an asylum! I slowly began to come out of that nightmare, praying the rosary everyday, spiritual counseling, daily mass, the Divine Mercy novena, reading good Catholic books...not only did my fears subside, but my obsession w/porn. Today I am still tempted, in fact there is rarely a day that goes by that I don't think about porn, but I'm not obsessing about it, much like the buzzing of flies, easily brushed away. I don't even have any filter on my PC, had all those in the past and found ways around them, I simply don't go there, much like I don't go looking to score acid anymore. That's about it folks, in my case, it took "the ministry of death and condemnation", before "the ministry of life and resurrection" could take hold of my life...

Praise God!  In Him there is freedom...

C-mass, I praise God and His grace and your ever-seeking of holiness. For many of us, the struggle against this particular sin is a cross that we must endure.

Yea, still quite tempting at times, those flies can be more like horse flies! But I'm not climbing the walls as it were, like I did in the past when trying to abstain...

Praise God for the freedom that Christ has brought in your life!

Praise the Lord, thanks for sharing!

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thanks for sharing.