The really bad joke thread

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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Noods on Mon Jun 25, 2018 6:15 am

What kind of snake is good at math?

An Adder.
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by QuothTheRaven on Wed Jun 27, 2018 4:28 pm

A set of three:

What's the difference between and elephant and a grape?
Grapes are purple.

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the horizon?
Hey! Here come the elephants!

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the horizon?
Hey! Here come the grapes! (Tarzan was color blind!)

elephant bounce elephant bounce
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Noods on Fri Jul 06, 2018 8:46 am

What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:59 pm

Two prawns were swimming round in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Tue Oct 02, 2018 6:23 pm

Wow. That was a long story for a very small payoff. Thanks for sticking so closely to the thread title.  Smile
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Kerrick on Wed Oct 03, 2018 3:43 pm

Hahaha, that's pretty bad... though I did enjoy it.  I told my wife and it reminder her of this:

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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Wed Oct 10, 2018 8:57 pm

Back by popular demand, here is another long and bad joke Razz


There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.
About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.
The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.
The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".
"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.
"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."
The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."
The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"
The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."
The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"
The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minutes of brushing each, then we decide."
"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.
Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance."
The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles.
It's unbelievable.
The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth.
The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died."
The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."
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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Kerrick on Thu Oct 11, 2018 4:10 pm

lol! face palm

I shouldn't have, but I quite enjoyed that one.

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Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Thu Oct 11, 2018 6:43 pm

Unbelievable. You topped yourself old school. Even longer and with a smaller payoff. Definitely groan-worthy.  Rolling Eyes
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Re: The really bad joke thread

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