The really bad joke thread

View previous topic View next topic Go down

The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:11 pm

What's brown and sticky?

... a stick.
avatar
Professor_Valconian
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 513
Join date : 2013-10-24
Age : 49
Location : In a meeting of the Society who puts things on top of other things

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Peter who was Vaak on Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:02 pm

What did the father buffalo say to his son as he left the herd?  

By-son.

What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

Pierre.
avatar
Peter who was Vaak
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1920
Join date : 2012-02-01

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by KaramKaram on Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:38 pm

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's Wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when Little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy
looked back once, while She was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and
she turned into a telephone pole!"

_________________
avatar
KaramKaram
Deadpool
Deadpool

Posts : 1926
Join date : 2012-02-02
Age : 37
Location : Somewhere in the Middle Land

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Blake on Fri Jun 26, 2015 8:48 am

Heres one I used to say as a kid:

Whats brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation
avatar
Blake
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1142
Join date : 2014-01-13
Age : 32
Location : Owasso, Oklahoma

http://reanimatedradio.com

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Staybrite on Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:28 am

Why was 6 afraid of 7....because seven ate nine!
avatar
Staybrite
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2301
Join date : 2012-02-01
Age : 49
Location : Seattle/Tacoma

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Kerrick on Fri Jun 26, 2015 12:27 pm

So I bought these shoes from a drug dealer.  I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day!

_________________
music___me wrote:I feel like that flame throwing tank/truck/thing should only be operated while listening to Iron Maiden.

Through The Dark Radio wrote:Yep, he's so mean, he grimaces whenever he isn't listening to DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Twisted Evil
avatar
Kerrick
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 7316
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 30
Location : Santa Cruz, CA

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 26, 2015 6:20 pm

Monkey Biz

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Hardcore Christian on Fri Jun 26, 2015 9:24 pm

OK so this guy is taking his girlfriend to the dance

He shows up to get his tux at the store
Theirs a huge line, he waits all the way til he gets to the front.

He shows up to get a limo to take her in.
Of course there is a huge line, he has to wait all the way to the front

By the time he gets there all the limos have been sold except the best and most expensive one, which he wanted. He takes it.

He goes to get a corsage at the flower place, and there is a huge line. He waits and waits all the way to the front. And picks up the flower.

He goes to pick up his date and they finally get to the dance.

They get there when his date wants punch.
Well their is no punch line.
avatar
Hardcore Christian
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 3638
Join date : 2013-07-31
Age : 17
Location : Spokane, WA

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Sat Jun 27, 2015 7:08 am

My greatest contribution to humor came when I was given a pet lizard. I taught it to walk on its hind legs. It became the world's first stand-up chameleon.
avatar
Professor_Valconian
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 513
Join date : 2013-10-24
Age : 49
Location : In a meeting of the Society who puts things on top of other things

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Louder on Sat Jun 27, 2015 9:05 am

Q: What do you call a tornado with a tumor?
A: A cysted twister.
avatar
Louder
Seasoned Guardian
Seasoned Guardian

Posts : 142
Join date : 2012-02-01

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by KaramKaram on Wed Jul 01, 2015 7:53 pm

- June's over?

- Julying

_________________
avatar
KaramKaram
Deadpool
Deadpool

Posts : 1926
Join date : 2012-02-02
Age : 37
Location : Somewhere in the Middle Land

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by alldatndensum on Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:57 am

You want to hear a dirty joke?

I fell into a mud puddle.


----------------------------------------------------------------------


A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"


----------------------------------------------------------------------


If it takes a chicken and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, how long will it take a rooster who is sitting on  doorknob to hatch out a hardware store?

You give up?

The rooster did, too!!!!
avatar
alldatndensum
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 4271
Join date : 2012-02-06
Age : 47
Location : Tennessee

http://www.christianhardmusic.com

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Peter who was Vaak on Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:16 am

I was reminded of this:
avatar
Peter who was Vaak
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1920
Join date : 2012-02-01

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Metal15 on Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:34 am

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?


Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called bagels.
avatar
Metal15
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 745
Join date : 2012-10-10
Age : 21
Location : America

http://metal15likesmetal.blogspot.com

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Hardcore Christian on Thu Jul 02, 2015 1:55 pm

Metal15 wrote:Why do seagulls fly over the sea?


Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called bagels.
lol!
avatar
Hardcore Christian
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 3638
Join date : 2013-07-31
Age : 17
Location : Spokane, WA

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by XenonLion on Fri Jul 03, 2015 4:11 pm

Why can't your nose be 12 inches?

Because then it would be a foot.
avatar
XenonLion
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1584
Join date : 2012-08-11
Age : 19
Location : there

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:54 pm

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me something smells.
avatar
Professor_Valconian
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 513
Join date : 2013-10-24
Age : 49
Location : In a meeting of the Society who puts things on top of other things

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by metallikitty on Wed Jul 22, 2015 4:10 am

Knock knock

Who's th- MOOOO! -ere?

Interrupting cow

(Not anywhere as good as actually speaking the joke)

I wonder if anyone will know my source for this one?

>^~^<

metallikitty
mallcore n00b
mallcore n00b

Posts : 56
Join date : 2015-07-20

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Machine Fish on Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:38 am

Two peanuts were walking down the street- One was assaulted
avatar
Machine Fish
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1430
Join date : 2015-03-18
Age : 29
Location : Broken Arrow, Oklahoma

http://www.redbubble.com/people/machinefish

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by ThomasEversole on Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:43 pm

A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says, "You know what? I've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper excitedly replies, "You have a drink named Ron!??!?!?"
avatar
ThomasEversole
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1595
Join date : 2013-03-19
Age : 37

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by ThomasEversole on Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:46 pm

Professor_Valconian wrote:What's brown and sticky?

... a stick.

Q: What's green and has legs?
A: Grass. I was just kidding about the legs part.

Q: What's the difference between a bicycle and a tree?
A: They both have wheels except for the tree.

Q: What's the difference between a guy carrot and a girl carrot?
A: Don't be crazy! Carrots don't talk!!!!
avatar
ThomasEversole
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1595
Join date : 2013-03-19
Age : 37

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Professor_Valconian on Mon Aug 10, 2015 8:59 pm

Why was the number 10 afraid?

Because 7 8 9
avatar
Professor_Valconian
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 513
Join date : 2013-10-24
Age : 49
Location : In a meeting of the Society who puts things on top of other things

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Fri Aug 26, 2016 7:09 am

A man vacations on a tropical 
island, and the first thing he hears 
is drums.

He goes to the beach 
and hears the drums; he eats lunch, he hears the drums; he tries to sleep, he can’t—drums.

Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs.

“No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.”

“Why?”

“When the drums stop, the bass solo begins.”
avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Kerrick on Fri Aug 26, 2016 11:58 am

Why do scuba divers always fall out of the boat and into the water backwards?

Answer:
Because if they fell forwards, they'd hit the boat's floor.

_________________
music___me wrote:I feel like that flame throwing tank/truck/thing should only be operated while listening to Iron Maiden.

Through The Dark Radio wrote:Yep, he's so mean, he grimaces whenever he isn't listening to DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Twisted Evil
avatar
Kerrick
Tyrant
Tyrant

Posts : 7316
Join date : 2012-06-26
Age : 30
Location : Santa Cruz, CA

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by New Creation on Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:38 pm

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
A. Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground Beef
avatar
New Creation
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 938
Join date : 2016-04-19
Age : 43
Location : On top of the heavens

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by exo on Sat Aug 27, 2016 1:11 am

Have you heard the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

_________________
“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here."


"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
avatar
exo
Wielder of the BanHammer
Wielder of the BanHammer

Posts : 1221
Join date : 2012-02-02
Age : 42

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by ThomasEversole on Sat Aug 27, 2016 5:58 pm

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
avatar
ThomasEversole
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1595
Join date : 2013-03-19
Age : 37

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:04 am

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had
someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
v
V
V
V



God replied: "I didn't recognize you."
avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by ThomasEversole on Sat Feb 18, 2017 9:17 pm

LOL

Q: What's the worst part about owning cats?
A: Telling your parents you're gay.

I heard that joke after my first surgery. That laugh hurt so good.
avatar
ThomasEversole
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 1595
Join date : 2013-03-19
Age : 37

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Andreas89 on Mon Feb 20, 2017 5:03 am

Some catching up to do, I really love really bad jokes.

Anyway, yesterday I heard a good German joke.

Question: why does a Russian need to steal two cars to get from Germany to Russia?
Answer: because he has to get through Poland first.

(inside info: around here, the Polish are responsible for a lot of bike theft and car theft)
avatar
Andreas89
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 603
Join date : 2016-03-09
Age : 27
Location : Potsdam, Germany

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Markus1987 on Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:20 am

I heard this when I was a kid:

What's brown and flies in the skies? A rusted Superman Smile
avatar
Markus1987
Seasoned Guardian
Seasoned Guardian

Posts : 256
Join date : 2012-03-21
Age : 30
Location : Finland

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by messiaen77 on Mon Feb 20, 2017 5:29 pm

How did the hipster burn the inside of his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool.
avatar
messiaen77
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 3255
Join date : 2012-01-31
Age : 46
Location : hiding in the bushes

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by New Creation on Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:30 pm

There's a very fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
avatar
New Creation
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 938
Join date : 2016-04-19
Age : 43
Location : On top of the heavens

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Tue Feb 21, 2017 10:25 pm

"4 Worms In Church"
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

=========================================

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container
of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup..

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead .

The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead .

Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive �


So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"


Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . .
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!
avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Andreas89 on Wed Feb 22, 2017 5:36 am

Question: why do golf players always bring two pairs of pants to the game?
Answer: in case they get a hole in one.
avatar
Andreas89
Metal Warrior
Metal Warrior

Posts : 603
Join date : 2016-03-09
Age : 27
Location : Potsdam, Germany

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by d@v!d on Fri Feb 24, 2017 10:53 am

avatar
d@v!d
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 3505
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : Visiting

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Tue Mar 07, 2017 10:22 pm

A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms,
how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted
him.
"Hey look, I'm a vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients
these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by
looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down,
quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said,
"There you are. Of course, if *that* doesn't work, we'll have
to have you put to sleep."
avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Sun Mar 12, 2017 10:46 am

avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by oldschooldoom on Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:24 am

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods meet at a fund raiser. Woods turns to Wonder and says: "How is the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?"

Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing,but I think I've got that right now."

Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I
need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.

Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?"

Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?"

Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt?", asks Woods. "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Woods asks: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night."
avatar
oldschooldoom
Holy Unblack Knight
Holy Unblack Knight

Posts : 2768
Join date : 2012-02-02
Location : 'Merica

Back to top Go down

Re: The really bad joke thread

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum