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Post by Warzawa on Thu Feb 21, 2019 3:34 pm

I didn't want to hijack the introduce yourself thread so I figured id make a seperate thread. Some of you remember me some don't I've been coming here off and on since the early 2000s (wow has it been that long?)  When I departed here I cannot remember why and its' not important but I was going through alot of stuff. I work a high stress job on top of dealing with my new daughter's upcoming surgery which was always foremost on my mind and heart.

My daughter was born with a CPAM (Congenital Pulminary Airway Malformation) a mass on her right lung which we were told they would have to remove half her lung.  She had the surgery and the outcome was nothing my wife and i didnt dare dream.  The mass was completely seperated from the lung so all they had to do was remove the mass. a 5-6 hour procedure turned into 90 minutes and a 5 day stay turned into overnight. She's going to be 4 in less than 2 weeks.  Shortly after the surgery we moved to Massachusetts ( I was living in connecticut) I work in  CT and literally I live a mile from the stateline in a nice small town (Population less than 8k)  Got 2 dogs now as one passed around Thanksgiving he was going on 19 years old.  Got 3 chickens too Rhode Island Red's I think theyre called. I was living in an apt in a run down area in a city that was not very good to living in the woods its peaceful, I hope to get a telescope and do some stargazing as on clear nights you can really see the stars.

I can't remember exactly when but I felt we were dealt another blow around her 2nd birthday she was diagnosed with Autism. Its literally changed our way of life. She's high functioning and highly highly smart. But at this diagnosis I struggled with it , I blamed myself because I suspect I am on the spectrum, I was mad at God for doing this to my baby girl. In the end I accepted it and learned things about myself in this new journey.  She's something else, likes Taylor Swift , Appreciates some Bowie and Pink Floyd as well as some STP. She is truly one of the best blessings that i have received.  Wife and I will celebrate 6 years come October.  I was married once before living in TN which seemed like another life ago. In fact i am not the same person I was then. I dont think im the same person I was 3 years ago.

Now a days I just work, come home, spend time with the family, play video games, write, and hopefully when it gets warmer ill start woodworking.

My interest in  music has gone up a bit tastes really havent changed. I got an Echo Dot for christmas so I can check out alot of diff music real easily. I still listen to mostly audiobooks my favorites currently are The Martian by Andy Weir and 2001 A Space Odyssey my screenname Warzawa is taken from an instrumental track by David Bowie on his 1977 release Low. 





So Yeah thats what I've been having going on in my life
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Post by MikeInFla on Thu Feb 21, 2019 4:39 pm

Thanks for sharing. I've had my struggles too, while different they have been testing. We pretty much got wiped out by Hurricane Michael but we are alive. And my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes for which there is no cure but we manage the best we can. I am hoping some day there is a cure or at least a more affordable insulin that she needs to survive. Luckily she has an insulin pump and a continuous glucose monitor which checks her blood sugar every 5 minutes. 

The symptoms for type 1 diabetes are pretty basic but nothing that raises alarms - excessive thirst, frequent trips to the bathroom and dry skin. We thought nothing of it although we noticed she was drinking all the time and getting up at night to pee all the time. I did a google search for "child is excessively thirsty" and diabetes popped up. I thought "no, there's no way" but the "hit" was from the Mayo Clinic. We took her to the doctor and he immediately admitted her to the ER and she stayed in the hospital for almost a week. It was quite scary. 

I'm glad 2018 is over but it is still a struggle to get things completed in a timely manner due to hurricane damage. 

As for me being the same person, I feel the same as I always have. Really nothing about me has changed, my old friends say I am no different than when we were kids.

Again, thanks for sharing.
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Post by Warzawa on Thu Feb 21, 2019 5:18 pm

My best friend has Type 1 diabetes and I am a type 2 one myself one battle ive been getting serious about this year is getting my sugars under control. Dr has me on a low dose of insulin which has seemed to help for the most part. But yeah my meds and stuff isnt cheap esp when the deductable hasnt been met. I feel your pain there. When I was a kid I was excessively thirsty and was even tested for type 1 then but came back negative. I always say I can tolerate being hungry but not being thirsty.  During that time i was also suffering from depression and started meds around that time too. I don't feel depressed nearly as often as i used to in fact Id say its been quite a while, now stressed out on the other hand..... But i love being a dad and becoming a father has really opened my eyes and heart to things that in the past wouldn't phase me. not sure if this happens to all new Fathers but i wasnt expecting that lol.

Im glad the hurricane did not kill you, it does suck  when you lose everything you own in a blink of an eye. It was a rough year for sure.

one thing living in the woods i rarely get to see or go hang ou t with friends well the distance and the responsibility shift too lol
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Post by MikeInFla on Fri Feb 22, 2019 7:13 am

I'm the same on location - most of our family and friends are in Tennessee (old friends). I have one childhood friend in Jacksonville but that's 4 or 5 hours away. I do see him every few years when I travel there for business. Sometimes being 500 miles away from family is hard and sometimes it isn't far enough away!

News on the hurricane front - Roofers showed up yesterday and said they will start soon. It has been a long process as they have been going back and forth with the insurance company and I believe I finally have all my $ from them which should cover everything. Maybe they will start in the next couple of weeks, when that is done repairs to the house should be complete.
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Post by Warzawa on Fri Feb 22, 2019 9:25 am

Thats good news though dealing with insurance companies itself can be a full time job in itself. I am hoping the landlord will have a follow up for me for our upstairs we have no power there right now havent for awhile not since the lights turned on by themselves and started to give a strong burning smell. We suspect that a squirrel decided to snack on a line or something as we have one or two living in our roof.

What part of TN did you live in? I was in Murfreesboro for almost 5 years. When I was living in TN I had no family or friends only my ex-wife which at the time I thought would be enough, but I am glad i moved back up to New England as i met my wife 10 months later and now have a kid where as if i remained in TN I doubt I would have any of that. Not to mention family close by.  Funny thing is my family is 90 mins away (about 60 miles)  and my in laws are abut the same distance just in the other direction lol
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Post by MikeInFla on Fri Feb 22, 2019 10:12 am

I grew up in Knoxville. Don't get back very much and try to get there when I can. Been in Florida since 2000 and this is home now.
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Post by alldatndensum on Sat Feb 23, 2019 1:17 am

You used a different user name the first time you were here.  What was your screen name?  I know I should know you but can't place you.  I have been part of the CMR since around 2001.

I still live in Tennessee.  I am in Watertown which isn't too far away from your old stomping grounds.

Good to have you here, Warzawa.
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Post by Warzawa on Sat Feb 23, 2019 11:30 am

Alldat- Yup I did, last time i was here i went under Aaron C and the time before that adchyrch . Im not from TN I just lived there for 4 1/2 years until i got divorced then moved back up to New England.  But check out the Introduce yourself thread I did post there Smile
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Post by alldatndensum on Mon Feb 25, 2019 11:36 pm

Warzawa wrote:Alldat- Yup I did, last time i was here i went under Aaron C and the time before that adchyrch . Im not from TN I just lived there for 4 1/2 years until i got divorced then moved back up to New England.  But check out the Introduce yourself thread I did post there Smile



I remember you, dude!  I was thinking about you not too long ago and wondered if you were still on Facebook.  Good to have you back in the family.  Some of us old dogs are still here, but it has gotten a bit quieter (albeit good) around here.  Most of the debating and bickering is gone.  I wish it were busier at times, but I like the vibe around here now.
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Post by Andreas89 on Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:55 am

Aaron C... that wasn't too long ago was it? Either way, good to have an new oldie around Razz
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Post by Andreas89 on Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:56 am

alldatndensum wrote: Most of the debating and bickering is gone.
No it is not!

 Razz
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Post by Warzawa on Tue Feb 26, 2019 11:37 am

Andreas89 wrote:Aaron C... that wasn't too long ago was it? Either way, good to have an new oldie around Razz

Its been about 3 to 4 years since i was last here. I know time flies heh


I remember you, dude!  I was thinking about you not too long ago and wondered if you were still on Facebook.  Good to have you back in the family.  Some of us old dogs are still here, but it has gotten a bit quieter (albeit good) around here.  Most of the debating and bickering is gone.  I wish it were busier at times, but I like the vibe around here now.

Thanks, I am here and there, outside of work I am not online all that much these days been trying to write a manuscript. Really been working on it for years but in the last few i made progress only to loose the file when my HDD died. Good thing alot of it was hand written originally heh. Anyways yeah not much going on , workin, spending time with the kiddo and wife.  Going on 6 years in October. Daughter will be 4 next wednesday.  Takin it one day at a time

Glad to hear that its a drama free place now. Drama Free is always good.  Sometimes the best communities are the smallest.
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Post by Staybrite on Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:28 pm

Addy!   Welcome back brother!
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Post by Warzawa on Tue Feb 26, 2019 8:25 pm

Thank ya Thank ya how you been Staybrite?
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Post by Staybrite on Wed Feb 27, 2019 9:32 pm

Warzawa wrote:Thank ya Thank ya how you been Staybrite?

Not too bad, but man this whole "getting older" thing really wears you down.  Laughing
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Post by Warzawa on Thu Feb 28, 2019 9:42 am

Tell me about it, got more aches and pains than I can shake a stick at, im in bed before 10pm these days
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Post by alldatndensum on Sat Mar 02, 2019 9:28 am

Warzawa wrote:Tell me about it, got more aches and pains than I can shake a stick at, im in bed before 10pm these days



Man, you are still able to make to 10:00?  Party on, dude!  Depending on my day at school, I can be out by 9!  I was last night!
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Post by ThomasEversole on Sat Mar 02, 2019 11:39 am

My sympathies to those with children that have medical issues.
My wife had a miscarriage in October 2018. She has to have a major surgery before we can "try again".
...which is definitely a finite number of attempts, considering I am sterile from cancer treatments, and there only so much of my "contribution" left in "the bank".

Nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
If its His will, I will be a (biological) father. If its not His will, I will have a lingering sadness, but that doesn't mean I can't be a father. (adoption exists)

I hope that me considering
having a child with lifelong complications > not having a child
would bring a perspective of gratitude, not offense.

God bless you all,
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Post by Warzawa on Sat Mar 02, 2019 2:04 pm

alldatndensum wrote:
Warzawa wrote:Tell me about it, got more aches and pains than I can shake a stick at, im in bed before 10pm these days



Man, you are still able to make to 10:00?  Party on, dude!  Depending on my day at school, I can be out by 9!  I was last night!
Last night I was in bed before 9 , not surprisingly since my day started at 4am with a screaming kid , I probably could go later if i was engaged in something other than TV and if the people at work didn't drain me utterly and completely.  I know Im wild in bed before 9 on a FRIDAY night hehe

My sympathies to those with children that have medical issues.
My wife had a miscarriage in October 2018. She has to have a major surgery before we can "try again".
...which is definitely a finite number of attempts, considering I am sterile from cancer treatments, and there only so much of my "contribution" left in "the bank".

Nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
If its His will, I will be a (biological) father. If its not His will, I will have a lingering sadness, but that doesn't mean I can't be a father. (adoption exists)

I hope that me considering
having a child with lifelong complications > not having a child
would bring a perspective of gratitude, not offense.

God bless you all,

I am not offended in the slightest bit, in fact my heart goes out to you and your wife and every couple who desires children but cannot have them. We were  in the same boat but not as severe as your situation.  I should probably give you some background on my story, The doctors had told my wife that she could never have children, and that if she did get pregnant that she would most likely not be able to carry to term. And while I was not sterile my "contribution" wasn't exactly the best so two strikes against us from the get-go. So when my wife told me she was pregnant I was excited, but also didn't want to get my hopes up at the same time. It was a difficult pregnancy from the very beginning.  At the 20 weeks we went for an anatomy scan we already knew we were having a girl due to some blood test the wife got. We were told that our child most likely would not make it, as from what he was seeing her heart had shifted downwards and her stomach upwards. The Dr kept on suggesting abortion, as he said she most likely wouldnt make it as well as put my wife in danger as well.  I remember getting in the car and I felt so devastated. She asked what i wanted to do, I told her I did not want her to get an abortion. She was on the same  page which was a relief we decided right now we wouldnt do anything until the followup which we were given a much bleaker diagnosis, it was then we decided to get a 2nd opinion which meant a trip to the Boston Children's Hospital. They ran so many tests and scans I remember sitting outside the MRI chamber as they did the MRI trying to distract her as shes clusterphobic and fighting off a sick feeling (from the radiation or something) in the end the diagnosis was better but still serious. Thats when the mass was discovered. Thank the Lord it shrank as my daughter grew and developed but until she was born we didnt know if she would need surgery at birth or before her first birthday. That whole first year was the hardest time of my life. That's not even including the Job stresses and financial stress.

My wife has high blood pressure and had complications after the birth she didnt get to hold our daughter till almost 24 hours later. A few things that kept me going during this time, one was the truth that things happen for a reason, something God taught me when I got divorced sometimes we dont always see or know the reason right away.  I knew my daughter was not an accident. I had been praying since she told me she was with child. All i wanted was a healthy happy child. I didnt care if it was a boy or a girl.  The second thing that kept me going and somewhat sane was writing. My wife and I had started a blog  called "Geek Meets Baby" We had some support from our families mostly mine. Even to this day my in laws dont reach out wanting to spend time with their granddaughter.  But yet they bend over backwards for their other 2 grandchildren.  But we had each other and through it all we kept planning and preparing for her arrival. 

Now my daughter will be 4 on Wednesday, I will never forget that day when she was born.

When I came back and was reading through some of the older posts I thought of you Thomas I remember you had I believe just began your battle with Cancer and was wondering how you were doing, I am glad to see you still post here.


Last edited by Warzawa on Sat Mar 02, 2019 2:12 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : had more to say heh)
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Post by Grindboy on Sat Mar 02, 2019 2:27 pm

Everybody's different.  My wife and I didn't have the strong desire for our own children that it seems most people do.  There's everything right and good about having and raising your own children.

But if that doesn't work out for you and your wife, Tom -- as an adoptive father, it is really a wonderful choice.  Obviously it's not for everybody and it can have many difficulties and frustrations, but I can't think of a better way for a child of God to imitate what he's done for us than to take in and love a child without parents.  Which is a terrible thing to think about, really.  Our world and society have children without parents.  How can that be?  That is absolutely not ok.  So we took one.  It doesn't always work out, but it was a great decision.  Should you find yourself in the position to adopt as well, I suspect that you will find FULL meaning and value in "plan b."

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Post by alldatndensum on Sat Mar 02, 2019 5:07 pm

My wife and I wanted kids.  She miscarried twice early in our marriage.  The doctors could find nothing wrong with my wife to suggest that she couldn't carry a child.

After that, we considered adoption but never felt like we could afford it.  Also, we looked into adopting through the state and even attended over half of the classes that were mandatory to even think about adoption through the state.  They painted such a bleak picture that we just couldn't complete the courses.

After the two miscarriages, my wife has never again been pregnant.  Neither of us wanted to go the clinical route to see if either of us was unable to have children or not.  We didn't want to even consider that one or the other could be to blame.  We couldn't afford artificial insemination for the same reasons we didn't think we could afford adoption.  

So, even after 30 years of marriage, ol' alldat had to come to grips with the fact that I will A) never be a dad or B) ever get to be a grandpa.  Too many times I have had people tell me that was LIKE a father to all the youth I had taught/served in church.  It isn't the same, folks.  My wife has had to struggle through with how many women seem to look down on her because we never had kids.  It used to be really hard.  I has grown a tad easier as we get older.  We both will turn 50 this year.  While I know getting pregnant isn't impossible, it is highly improbable at this point.  So, we are accepting the fact that children were never part of God's plan for us.  I don't like that, but this is the lot I was given.  I still love Him anyway.  We were never guaranteed to get everything we wanted out of life, right?
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Post by Warzawa on Sat Mar 02, 2019 6:20 pm

My wife miscarried on a few occasions too before we had even met. I agree it's not for everyone, reading some of the stories about how horrible parents are to their children breaks my heart and fills me with such anger at the same time. These people essentially throwing away one of God's blessings so carelessly when there's people out there who would give anything to have what they had.

My wife and I talked about Adoption at one point.

I was 41 when I became a father, I wanted to be younger but with my daughter is even more motivation to get healthier.  But when it happened, Ive been told I was just a Dad waiting to happen and it felt effortless to slip into that role.
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Post by ThomasEversole on Sun Mar 03, 2019 11:11 am

Warzawa wrote:When I came back and was reading through some of the older posts I thought of you Thomas I remember you had I believe just began your battle with Cancer and was wondering how you were doing, I am glad to see you still post here.

Thanks man. Also, your story/journey is very inspiring.

alldatndensum wrote:So, we are accepting the fact that children were never part of God's plan for us.  I don't like that, but this is the lot I was given.  I still love Him anyway.  We were never guaranteed to get everything we wanted out of life, right?

Right. I remember a statement I heard from "a mother" who had 5 kids that were taken away by "the state". (she lost custody)
She (eventually) made peace with that reality and stopped fighting.

"Our children are not ours. They are a gift from God to this planet."

I will keep this outlook for myself... if it comes down to me having to accept that I will never be a parent...
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