Autism

Hi guys, we just found out that our 4 year old has Autism. We have started the ball rolling with getting help from specialists and her starting at school. Any prayers would be awesome. Cheers.

Praying for you. Autism is a subject that's very close to my heart. My father and youngest brother have autism, and by sort of denying it, things have gone quite wrong when it comes to faith and things like career, planning, money management etc.

So it's great that you guys are acknowledging his autism and are not afraid to seek help in this case.

I'm praying that you may receive calmness, patience, empathy (which is difficult but possible for people who don't have autism) and above all, love.

Awesome cheers heaps. Looks like our 9 year old might be diagnosed with it also. He was tested years ago and they thought he didn't have it because he gets along with others fine, but lately he's been showing real signs. Cheers again for the prayers.

This is a topic that hits home for me as well, my 3 year old daughter has been diagnosed and I suspect I am on the spectrum as well. I still try to come to grips with it at times and other times I accept it , my daughter has made so much progress with the developmental workers. So its good you guys are getting the ball going on it.

I also have a soft spot for autistic people.  I have worked in a special needs classroom in a local high school for just a little over 7 years.  Most of my students are autistic.  I also have some cerebral palsy and other developmental delay, but the majority of my students are lower functioning autistic.

It is trying.  It is challenging.  It is also rewarding working with these guys and girls.  While we do a lot to work with them on behavior, they teach me more daily about how to love difficult people.  They can test your patience day in and day out.  But, they will also steal your heart quickly.

So, for those of you dealing with one or more autistic children, I feel your pain.  For seven years and 7 hours a day, I have 10.  Six are autistic, two are CP, and the other two are developmentally delayed and have seizure disorders.  I've watched some of these teens literally grow up and cry buckets every time one of them ages out of our program.

I've learned alot about myself by having my daughter when it comes to Autism, I feel blessed that her case is not as severe as others but still is draining and sometimes a day to day battle and sometimes its not.

Here are a few pieces of advice for you who are dealing with autistic kids from my observations working with them.

1.  Do NOT tell them no!  I don't mean spoil them.  Just find creative ways to tell them they have to wait, or spend time explaining why they can't do something. Some of my kids can't speak but they understand us quite well.  If an autistic child gets violent, the saying of the word no when they want something can get you smacked.

2.  Use social stories to help fix bad behaviors.  A social story is something you read to them daily that has pictures to help explain what you want them to do or not do.  It could be for something as simple as showering and brushing their teeth daily to something more demanding like playing with their private parts in a public setting.  We have used them in class with great successes.

3.Life is going to throw you curveballs and your family schedule will change.  When you know a change is coming (like an outing or a vacation), prepare the autistic child well in advance.  Talk about it.  Practice packing and unpacking.  Practice only taking one or two toys.  If you wait until the last second, you will have bigger and longer outbursts.  The outbursts is what you want to controlnot encourage.

4.  Be patient.

5.  Don't be afraid to ask for help every once and a while to have someone watch your kid sometimes so that you can get a much needed break.

6.  Do not expect the schools to "fix" your child.  We can help with a lot of things, but they only work if you are doing them at home.  I have a sophomore that the parents want US to potty train him but they are not working with him on that at home.  How do they expect this to work if we all aren't on the same page?  We have had parents that wanted their non-verbal student to be taught to read and do higher math.  Accept your child for who they are, know their capabilities, and push them where you know they can excel.  If you know they can't grasp a subject, then push for passing.

7.  Pick your battles.  Are they showing some bad behavior?  Is that behavior something you need to correct, or will ignoring it make it go away?  Save the showdowns on correcting bad behavior for things that you must control and learn to give them some space when it really doesn't matter.  That will save you from dealing with outbursts and help your autistic child trust you more.  Trust me--we do this at school daily.

Saying no could also trigger a meltdown too. something ive learned from experience, alot of times we will say  "Wait please" or "Patience please" and 9 times out of 10 that will prevent escalation or if we do say no we follow up an alternative 8 times out of 10 that works too.

I am thankful that my daughter for 99% of the time she is out in public is very well behaved, if she has her kindle it keeps her distracted and out of trouble. 

What bothers me is the way Autism children are perceieved, I am always reading something about them being excluded  from things and or being treated as stupid or even and i hope nobody is offended by this word  retarted.  thats not even  those non educated judmental parents even...  Not to mention with excessive force in situations. It boils my blood bad when i read and hear about these things.

My daughter has excelled big time since being in developmental therapy, in fact alot of our therapists often comment that we are the only parents who actually does the stuff outside of sessions. My wife especially,  has become a champion for our little girl.

I remember after taking my daughter to her first book fair at school that my wife had made the comment in the car, that alot of dads would be very closed off, distant, not interested in bonding with their special needs child, and then she said that with me it seemed to be the opposite that I do all I can to be involved no matter what, because of her special needs.  It's true I love spending time with my kid she knows how to make me smile, even when smiling is the furthest thing from what i want to do. Someone else I cannot remember who had commented that God doubly blessed me and my wife with a special needs child because they need more from their parents.  I guess the point is, I wouldnt trade my daughter for anything in this world.  Ive learned somethings about myself through this Autism journey but in the 70s who knew about Autism?

It can be a very trying battle especially when there is a change or break in routine. If my wife is at one of her librarian friends doing a girls game night which happens from time to time, bedtime can be very trying because I have to do the whole routine by myself. Granted on a normal night i do most of it already.  I remember one time i tucked her in and had to stay by her side till she fell asleep, last time i did not have to do that.  Thankfully

I am thankful that in my daughters case its not as a severe case as it could have been, Im a member of a few Dad autism groups and ive read alot of horror stories,  those guys are heros. I think it takes a special breed of parent to be a parent of a special needs child.